Unseen

What an awesome family. Right? This was taken this past Sunday over at Stoney River for my 36th birthday. We are such a happy family, and wow am I blessed. A multi-race, functioning, nuclear family that is happy all the time… to which you could call BS, and I would just smile and nod. The reality is, this is truth and I believe it 100%.

Except for the happy all the time bit, because outside of this brief moment in time, I’ll let you in behind the scenes on what lead up to that night.

In the past week leading up to it, I was losing sleep because of our 4-year-old who still climbs in bed. I was losing sleep because of trying to control our finances down to the penny. I was losing sleep because of soccer and piano practices, games and recitals over the weekend, church responsibilities, and meeting up with some friends for dinner. All of this activity kept me on my toes, but I was losing sleep. Woe is me, right?

I was losing rest.

*breathe Ben*

Not resting my body, or delegating some of the things that require energy caused me to lose sight and focus. This made it easier for me to lose patience with my wife, my kids, and coworkers. It also made it easier to be consumed by anxiety from thoughts of the past, which sometimes leads to sabotaging the relationships of whom I love most.

I hate this part about me, but God doesn’t and he knows the struggle. In fact He’s probably frustrated as all get out watching me hold on to this burden because I have a tendency to think that I can control these thoughts, feelings and emotions. Come Monday, I was completely exhausted and compound that with what I think was a 24 hour virus, it made these afflictions 100x worse.

So I slept.

When I awoke, I just chuckled.

“Ha, I can control this? What a joke!”

It’s just harder some days than others to realize this truth.

God, I am blessed beyond measure and come to you with great thanks for my awesome family. I ask that you remind me to seek solace and peace through your word at times when I may be weak, so that I may find strength in you to carry me through.

Amen.