My children are ages 10, 7 and 2. This was almost the exact age of my older sisters and brother when our biological mother decided to abandon them and never look back.
My mother was born and raised in Michigan. When she was 13 years old when she got pregnant with her first child. A daughter who she was made to give up for adoption. Then at the age of 16 she became pregnant with her second child, married the father and had two more children. From what I have heard she was married to her husband for almost 9 years when they divorced. After the divorce she gained custody of the kids and later decided that she “didn’t want them” and gave them back to their birth father and never looked back.
Luckily for my sisters and brother, their father had married a great woman who took on the role as their mother and loved them all as if they were her own.
A few years later my mother became pregnant with my third sister, Jennifer and moved to California with her. Seven years after Jennifer was born I came along.
So that makes 6 different children with 4 different fathers.
I grew up with Jennifer and I feel like she raised me until she left for college when I was 11 years old. At the age of 11 I raised myself until I got married to an amazing man at the age of 18.
Growing up I always knew that I had 3 older siblings but I never understood why they weren’t around, why they never called and why we never spent Holidays with them. I also knew that I had a hand full of nieces and nephews and carried their family portraits with me in my school binder.
About 18 months ago my second oldest sister, Denise, found me on Facebook. It wasn’t shortly after that my oldest sister, Debbie, and my only brother, Rick, also friended me. After several emails, status stalking and wall postings we decided it would be great to meet. So Debbie and Desiree (my sister in law) decided to take a road trip down South to meet me and my family for the first time. It went well so I decided to drive myself and the kids up to Michigan over Spring break to meet the entire rest of the family.
During the trip we reunited with Debbie and met her kids Megan, Kayla, Paige, Lindsey and Gary, my sister Denise and her kids Katie and Les, my brother Rick and his kids Christian and Jameson. I also have 3 very adorable great-nieces and nephews Devon, Nathan and Bella.
The experience was like nothing I have ever gone through before. There were times I wanted to cry, laugh and just be in the moment that was in front of me. I feel like I was able to do that, except for the crying part. I had so many emotions going through me. I felt grateful, angry, resentful, jealous, happy, bitter and those are to name a few.
While I was there I had the most amazing opportunity to meet my mothers ex-husband. He is the man who’s name I carried my entire life and is the closest I will ever get to an earthly Father. He hugged me like I was his own, was genuinely interested in my life and my children and never said a single bad word about what my mother did.
In fact, he defended her.
All of us as siblings have actually decided to visit my mother at some point in the future and see if we can let the past be the past and let go of the hurt we have towards her. I am constantly working on this area of my life and am anxious to see how God works through this.
I will never be able to understand why my mother left her children or why she kept us from them. All I know is that I love them all and I am so grateful and blessed to have met my family. I am even more excited to have them in our future.
So awesome babe, wish I could’ve been there. Can’t wait ’til TN!
Wow. I feel like A is and will be walking down this path – any advice?
The thing I have to constantly remind myself is that it has nothing to do with me. Whatever issues or ‘stuff’ that my mom has gone through to put her where she is and how she treated us, is exactly that. It’s hers. It’s not my fault or anyone else’s. The faster the ‘wounded’ can grasp this, the better they can accept that person for who they are.
I have said it a million times about my own mother and yours… our mothers and the lives they led made US better mothers. You are an amazing woman and mother despite the example, or lack of example you were provided. You would never abandon your children. It may seem like something strange to be thankful for, but praise God you have broken that cycle. So very happy that you were able to meet all of your sisters and brother along with their families. Love you Kim.. 🙂
Thanks, Cyn. You mean the world to me and I am so happy to call you my best friend!
I was so happy to finally be able to meet you! It was so weird how I felt like I’ve know you my whole life; like you’ve always been there. I definitely feel like you and I have a different kind of bond and I feel like we’re very similar in our ways of thinking. I will never forget going on my first road trip with my Aunt Kim! I had a lot of fun and I will be visiting you guys again soon. I miss you guys and I love you all so much!
I feel like that too, Katie!! I think you are amazing and I am so excited to see where you go in the next few years with your life and your boys. We will be here every step of the way. Love you!
Very proud of you and so very happy for you and your siblings. Yay to Denise for FB stalking and FINDING you 🙂 Love you and so grateful you are the mother of Kiss, Madawg and Jack. We love you sis, T&K
Thanks, sis. You have definitely seen a lot of the growth and stubborn choices I’ve made along this walk and I’m so thankful for your support. I love you all!
We are so glad we got to meet you and your kids! Can’t wait to meet your husband too! We are looking forward to seeing all you guys again:)
Thanks! Bella will be so big when we see you again! Tennessee can’t get here quick enough!! <3
What an awesome journey….your sisters and brother are adding so much to your life, I am so happy for all of you. I know they will enjoy loving you as much as we have.
Thanks, mom. I am lucky to have you and consider you my mother. You have loved and treated me just like your own and I love you even more for that.
Wow Kim!! Praise GOD. So happy for you. Life only gets better and better. Can I get an amen?
AMEN, Uncle Froggy! 🙂 Thanks for reading.
Wonderful story. I’m so glad you got together with family. Also, I didn’t know you married Ben at 18. Wow, that’s young. You should know that Ben cried on my digital shoulder every single day you were gone. Such a big baby.
Oh, excuse my manners. I’m Moe from New York City. I like your husband. He’s cool… and funny. 🙂
oh, hi Moe!! If my memory serves me correctly you are the “Norm” (from Cheers) in this bromance my husband has going on with you grown men. 😉
Thanks for stopping by and thanks for taking care of my man-baby while I was gone.
LOL “Moe is the Norm”
haha, that’s awesome.
Norm? I don’t even know how to respond? Is that what Ben is telling you? That’s not what he said when you were gone. I was his Matthew McConaughey… #shame!
More like, I’m your huckleberry…
Ohhh, I need to go watch that again.
or dumb and dumber.
Lies! Ok maybe one night, but still…
btw thanks for giving Kim some comment love, hopefully she’ll post more of her drafts that are sitting around, she’s got some good stuff 🙂
I am so tickled for you and your brother and sisters. It is so awesome that y’all have connected. I rejoice with y’all that your families are now connected.
God is good!
Thank you! See you soon. 🙂
I saw this post on Ben’s site! Very cool!
Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
Kim, so, so glad you shared this part of your story. You are such an inspiration.
Thanks, Christy! I’m finding it easier to write the more I grow in my own faith and understand the ‘big picture.’ Hope you all are well!!
Wow! What an incredible story.
Have you thought of writing a book?
I have actually. 🙂 This blog is kind of my catalog of ‘stuff’ that will go in it. Thanks for stopping by! I hope to share more of my story in the future.
I am so un-bookmarking Ben’s blog and bookmarking yours. You got the goods here. Ben just makes fun of his son while he cries in the swing. #dadoftheyear 🙂
I so deserve that, I know…
But it’s a hilarious pic, you gotta admit.
wow, what a beautiful story! thanks for sharing, kim.
ben, you got a keeper. i’m with moe: so long ben’s blog! 🙂
What a great post, Kim! I’m glad Ben posted it so I could read about your happy reunion. 🙂
you rock! What an powerful story of love, reconciliation, and forgiveness.
Wow, Kim – I know your story took a lot of courage to unfolding your life. I can only imagine uyour heartbreak, and disappointments. Thank you for sharing your journey of “God’s healing,” and being the mother of my grandchildren, wife of my son, and awesome daughter of mom and I. Love you much.
Hi Kim,I just stumbled onto your blog for the first time and read this story. It is such a beautiful story and I’m so glad you shared it. There is so much I could say about the love and forgiveness that exudes from the words that you wrote, but I will simply say thanks for sharing and inspiring others. Thanks.