For the past few days, I have been doing something extremely out of character for me. The last time I did this was back in June of 2006, and if I do this again it will be all too soon. Every time I even think about doing this, it makes me sick to my stomach. This makes me think about how God has made me as an individual, how he has NOT made me as an individual, and further confirms His will for my life.
This is what is going on:
I have been getting out of bed, getting ready for work, going to work, doing something after work, eating dinner, then going home and going to bed.
It’s kind of hard to do any of that stuff when your +4 is almost 800 miles away up north.
Family trip – Dad = Learning about who God is in regards to how He made Me.
I remember from a very young age that my #1 desire to be when I grew up was a husband, and a young father. Sure, I wanted to be a fighter pilot, or a pro soccer player, or even a professional pianist (which lasted up until my 2nd semester in college) at times, but those kind of faded in and out. Being a father with my bride next to my side has always been in my sites, and this week kind of not living that out?
it sucks. hardcore.
With the help of some awesome friends, and some good reading material I’ve almost been able to distract myself so I won’t notice the emptiness of the house, or even worse. My bed…brrrr…
I kind of get mad that I can’t even enjoy this time alone, this time to “recharge” and get stuff done. I get mad at the fact that I wake up 5 times every night, because I just want to sleep through so the nights go quicker, and Friday comes sooner. I get mad, because God made me this way… wait what?
So I did what I should have done in the beginning. I spent some time, some quality time with My Father, and He reminds me of something I sometimes forget to do.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
I’ve learned that I love to have somebody next to me when I go to sleep at night, and when I wake up in the morning…
…and I’ve learned that God has made me to long for the touch and smell of my family, so that when I come home from work every night my heart jumps for joy at the sound of craziness….
…and I’ve learned that this time away from them is important to remind myself who I am, and whose I am.
I now know that full well.
Two nights left, and all will be back to crazy.