Part of an unwritten goal of mine was just to build more of a community of friends where I live, through church, along with this blog and on twitter. To do that requires meeting people that I’ve met online.
I’m going to go have coffee with a guy tomorrow. I’ve not met him yet, but he seems to be a pretty cool guy from what I could tell with all of the interactions on twitter, and through comments here and replies on his blog. Keith will not be the first, and he’ll definitely not be the last.
Why else am I meeting up with him? It’s simple, really. He’s adopted a child to grow his family, and we want to adopt a child to grow our family. I want to know him, I want to know why he did what he did and I want to hear it come from his mouth. This will hopefully ease some of the pain I have been feeling, but I doubt it. More on that pain in a bit.
Keith shared an incredible video of the adoption process for Mia, and he sent this to me after a failed meet for coffee due to a breakdown in communication. No big deal. So I get this video during the day while I’m at work, and I think great, I’ll get to watch this at home with the family, this will be all happy and butterflies and double rainbows and I’ll feel great…
…I was completely wrong.
The video was exactly that, but how I viewed it was definitely not how I thought I was going to view it. I sit here with pain in my heart. Unbearable, unspeakable pain and as I’m typing this out, the wife and the kids are all asleep. While I was watching the video of the beautiful young Mia, I just couldn’t stop thinking about the reality of orphans. More specifically, the ones who were given up by choice.
I have an extremely difficult time thinking that anybody could willingly damage or hurt their child, even worse giving them up. This hits me hard because I have 3 amazing children, so of course I internalize it. I also look back to an incident with one of them at a daycare (which maybe I’ll share later) and all I could think about was the hurt adult, hurting their child, who hurt mine. So I just sat there as I watched the video, and wept. Suck. Since at this point I can’t really write anything else coherent, I’ll just share the rest of my random thoughts as they come:
From the awkwardness through puberty, to the teasing in the locker rooms.
From the overworked parent, to the feeling of loneliness and neglect.
From the separation of parents, to the split and somber holidays.
From the fatherless home, to the promiscuity that follows.
From the motherless home, to the abuse that is justified.
From the cigarettes and lighter, to the open bottle of beer on the table.
From the magazines under the counter to the bookmarked sites on the computer.
From the screaming and yelling, to the abuse and unexplained bruises on their back
From the adult who needs satisfy a “need,” to the unwanted acceleration from child to adulthood.
To the child of God who has, was, or is hearing or thinking this all right now.
Oh how I wish someone could have protected you.
*disclaimer: I’ve noticed that I’ve written a lot of the real me, or actually, the real 50% of me. Here’s a glimpse of the other 50%. This is the side I don’t like to let out but I know I need to, so as to be truly authentic and as transparent as I can totally be.
Keith was ever so kind enough to let me share the video with you all here: