The Splash Guard

Ben —  December 24, 2010 — 2 Comments

As I am writing this 10,000 feet in the air on my way to Phoenix, I will be the first to admit, I love coffee. More specifically, I will drink Starbucks every morning of the week, and literally twice on Sundays. I’m not the kind of “Macho” coffee drinker who takes it black, with nothing else. I like to add flavor, often. White Chocolate Mocha is my drink of choice, with an occasional Spicy Chai’s (I know, that’s tea), or the occasional Americano (Thanks J. Carr for introducing me to this).

We got up this morning, all packed and ready to go. With the kids fed, Kim and I decided to use the rest of my Dunkin Donuts gift card to get us a little something while at the airport. Little did I know, the closest Dunkin Donuts was in the A terminal, while we were in B. Madi and I hiked our way over to A to go get our breakfast. We walked for about 15 minutes, stood in line for 10, and as I get to the register, I find that they do not accept gift cards there. Awesome. I got 2 coffees anyways, proceeded to add the necessary amount of cream/sugar, and made our hike back to our gate.

As I arrived at the gate, with Kim’s loving eyes looking at me with that “I have the best husband in the world, but give me that coffee already” look, I decided to go ahead and make that “pit-stop.” We still had about 35 minutes left until they were going to board.

I bring you, “The Splash Guard.”

I walked over to the men’s bathroom with my cup of coffee, but before I entered I had to stop and think. I have never been in the position before. You see, I read (somewhere) that there is a significant amount of *ahem* “waste” that just floats around in bathrooms. That same study showed bits and pieces of so-called excrement when putting some CSI/Dexter like chemicals to make them stand out more. Whether or not this is 100% accurate is not my point, since now I will always think there might be poop on my toothbrush.

So I look down at my cup, and see this::

Dunkin's Splash Guard

Look! The engineers over at Dunkin Donuts have already thought about THIS EXACT SITUATION! (ok, maybe a little overdramatic). So I proceed to flip the little “Splash Guard” over, so as to make sure it clicked as I pressed down, thus blocking any flying poop from entering my cup a’ joe.

At that moment, a thought occurred. Does my favorite coffee joint just not care about poop getting in my coffee? Why would they not even consider the possibility that somebody might take their cup inside a bathroom, and need such a solution? I know they have their green sword-like plugs, which in my mind offer no degree of poop protection at all.

For this, I will always choose Dunkin Donuts (or any other coffee joint with said Splash Guard). Starbucks, you are my one and only at home, but I must leave you when I travel. It is only but for a short while, but until you can offer the same protection I must choose what’s best for me.

-Ben

I Don't Want to Be a Dad
And Now We Are Home

2 responses to The Splash Guard

  1. Actually, the green sword-plugs offer maximum poop protection. It’s a scientific fact. However, it’s not as convenient to keep with your coffee as DD’s.

    It’s good to know that your coffee choice comes down to poop protection. Shows me how much you really care about your coffee! Ha! j/k

    Seriously thought, I like both. St. Arbucks is way over-priced but its freaking good. I’m an espresso guy way more than a drip coffee guy. At home I grind my own beans fresh and make espresso. Nothing better my friend.

    • With the sword, it doesn’t cover where your lips touch!

      Yes, starbucks is pricey but nobody makes them special drinks like they do. I made my own espresso’s for a while, until I found there’s 3x as much caffeine in a 12oz regular cup than there is in 1 shot of espresso.

      Plus, I get free bux @ work. So that’s all kinds of win.

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