I remember now, what I was thinking about at this very moment. I told you last week how I was looking through my notes, and upon coming across one of them which I had no idea what was going through my mind.
Thank God for Kim who is there for me to bounce ideas, and remind me of things I forget. This particular note came during one of our small group discussions, as I looked over at one of the guys in our group he had some cheese hanging off his mouth, so I immediately told him “dude, you got something dangling off your mouth.”
He wiped it off, and all was good.
This immediately sparked a thought in my mind, of how some of us are so quick to point out the little things, but many of us are very slow to point out the huge, damaging things. Especially when it comes to those closest to us.
Why is that?
Here’s an example of a conversation that may happen:
“Oh that Ben guy pretends like everything is so perfect in his life, but we know he neglects his family at times.”
How do you combat this? How would you approach this differently? Or how about this one:
“You know, Ben really needs to talk to his wife with more respect and stop taking underhanded jabs at her, you can totally tell she hates it.”
In these examples lets assume neither of these conversations include this “Ben” guy (he really sounds like a jerk!), but rather a couple of people who really, are just starting the gossip chain instead of doing the right thing and helping him out.
Why is it easier to add fuel to the flame, rather than help put it out?
When somebody’s putting on a show that’s obviously a disguise for what’s really happening at home, or when we see somebody berate their spouse, we turn the other cheek or quietly think to ourselves “man, that sucked but it’s their business and we shouldn’t get involved.”
Why is this our default, and how is this the right attitude?
Both of these are extremely harmful to ones well-being, and besides the fact they are not biblical, we as humans should be doing exactly the opposite but society and our culture teaches us to do what was done in the examples. It starts a cycle of mishandled situations that can lead to more gossip and more hurt.
So what am I doing to break this cycle?
The 2 examples are absolutely real life situations I’ve come across. They are real conversations I’ve participated in, and it makes me throw up a little in my mouth just thinking about who I used to be. One of the reasons for writing here at Ben Sayin’, was to really just speak my mind about situations I see in my every day dealings with my friends and family. This is more of a place to put my thoughts down in words, so as to bounce the idea(s) off the community. More times often than not, the community helps provide clarity, and that’s what I appreciate about y’all.
So if you are friend or family of mine, in “real life” or even in the twitterverse / bloggersphere, you can rest assured knowing I’m not going to participate in such conversations as mentioned above, nor will I stand idly by watching you tear yourself, your family, or our Kingdom down.