If you’ve talked to Kim and I prior to visiting Venezuela, you would know that without a shadow of a doubt we were going to submit our formal application to adopt a little boy from outside of the US, and that the trip would help us understand more that what we are trying to do is the right thing, and God’s will.
However, if you talk to us now you would hear the voices of uncertainty.
Something inside of us is stirring, and we can’t really put a finger on it, so we’re going to wait a bit longer. We’re going to sit still and listen to what God has to say about this tension that is within us. Understand this hesitation is not out of fear, but out of pure obedience that God may be trying to tell us something, something worth hearing. So as for Adoption goes, it’s not that we want to stop, but we definitely don’t want to move forward just yet.
This past week and a half has been full of emotions, hence the reason I tried to stay away from posting anything last week purely out of emotion. Granted, I still wrote a little but I didn’t want to hit that blue “publish” button just yet so I could just sit on my thoughts.
In thinking about wanting to “do more” for the boys down at Project Jonas, and wanting to go back down to visit them one more time to see if we can help in any other way possible, I was talking with Andrew about the reasons why we would actually go visit, or why we visited at all in the first place.
When thinking about it a little more, the feeling of being selfish and “touristy” seemingly overwhelmed my thoughts. I mean, who are we that we can comfortably go visit these boys who were sent to the Project Jonas, connect with them for a week, and then leave back to our comfortable homes here in the USA? What kind of lasting impact did that have on their lives? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not discounting any of the work we did at all, or any of the groups work for that matter, I’m just thinking… what did we REALLY accomplish?
If you would have been there on the last night when we were saying our Goodbye’s, all I could think about is “Man, I’m really going to miss wrestling with the boys in the pool, or playing soccer, or just plain loving on them,” but in their minds…only God knows what they were thinking about us.
In 1 week: We came, we made it a point to connect, we left.
Some of us cried because in true short-term mission fashion, these boys touched our lives in ways they could never have imagined. I can only hope and pray that they were crying for the same good reasons.
Combine this train of thought, with the tension of adopting and you have this literal brain storm that is going on inside of our minds, where we ask ourselves: