Five Fifty Two

Ben —  April 15, 2015 — Leave a comment

If you’ve ever wanted to know how well you really know your spouse, and want to be intentional about strengthening your marriage, taking a couple’s assessment like the one Prepare/Enrich offers is definitely one of many thorough ways of doing it.

As part of the beginning of our adoption process, Kim and I had to answer 276 questions each dealing with all sorts of things ranging from the adoption, to habits, to our family’s past. Generally these types of tests are encouraged to be taken as a part of the premarital counseling process. As in – before you’re married, not 15 years in… This way, you have a good idea of things you may not have thought to talk about prior to making the commitment “for better or for worse.” It brings to light some issues you will probably have to work at harder than others, as well as some strengths on which to build.

Had we taken this test 15 years ago, there would have been red flags everywhere and as a couple we probably would have been extremely discouraged. Back then we really didn’t need a whole lot of convincing to know we had a long road ahead of us, however we were both certain we would always fight for “us” no matter what.

I love so much how we have learned to communicate to each other, as it is a complete testament on how a couple can survive even the harshest conditions early on in a marriage. We are living proof of a marriage able to overcome some of the toughest obstacles, but of course we have been unable to do this on our own. By reevaluating our relationship through Prepare and Enrich, we’ve brought to light some of the smaller issues we may have swept under the rug in the recent years.

It has reminded us about a few little things we’ve learned in the last 15 years:

  • It’s ok to invite others into your story, such as your friends with which you can build a small community of believers.
  • Talking to a counselor helps. Immensely.
  • It’s ok to go ahead and have those difficult conversations.

Without all of the above, it makes it much more difficult for the healing to begin. If you’re married, spend some time in conversation about the things on your mind – whether or not it’s painful. Just because it can be swept under the rug doesn’t mean it needs to be, and just because things are going smooth doesn’t mean you should keep quiet. With the right approach it might be the best time to bring to light some of your issues.

In the long run, the investment in your intentionality will improve how you communicate and react, effectively allowing you to love each other better.

You just need to choose to do so.

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