Ben Sayin'

“There just aren’t too many children within the age group you are looking, unless you consider a sibling group and even then you may get one in your preferred age group, but two that are older. Would you consider or be open to looking within a different country?”

This is part of the conversation we had with our social worker on Monday, and it’s no surprise this will be weighing heavily on our minds once we have completed the home study. This information didn’t really come to us as a surprise, but it gave us a more realistic look as to what the sibling group picture looked like. Instead of 2 children, most of the sibling groups consist of 3. The decision to switch countries won’t necessarily cause us to start from scratch but it will definitely set us back a little bit in our timeline, but the decision to add 3 children to our house is just out of our capacity.

I think. Continue Reading…

I started writing this around midnight the day before, but by the end here I will have completed my 2 hour long psychological evaluation which is needed for our home study. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous, but in fact I am terrified. The last psychologist I talked to was back in 2008 as a part of the interview process for a sales position.

This is a little different, but I think I got about the same amount of sleep.

I wonder how much detail I need to give in my “life story,” and if I will even be able to talk through it – especially the rough areas. I guess a little part of me is afraid that I might say something or answer something in the questionnaire giving the psychologist reason to believe I am actually, in fact crazy. More so than my 15 year old thinks when I’m whipping and nae nae-ing in front of a bunch of her friends, or when we bust out in a random dance party at home. Will I have to sit in a chair or do I start right off laying on the couch? What if the chair is just some hard-wooden chair? Man, I hope it’s at least comfy… 2 hours in an uncomfortable chair telling a complete stranger your “life story” or even answering questions does not sound fun. I’d better get some sleep. Continue Reading…

What a rush.

After a few hours of getting to know our social worker and her assistant, and they us (all of us), our first home study is completed.

In the first hour of talking to Kim and Me, we were asked questions normally found in maybe the 2nd or 3rd job interview. These questions were personal enough to allow for some awkward and uneasy answers but we both knew by answering them as honest as possible was our only choice. We needed them to know us, for who we are as parents now and for who we will be to our future son. In all honesty, the questions weren’t really as intrusive as I expected them to be – or maybe we were both really comfortable being transparent. I’ll vote for the latter. Continue Reading…

It’s crazy to think over a month ago, we were planning on scheduling our first home visit “in just a few days.”

Then came Orange Conference.
and our company released a new product.
and my work schedule doubled.
and then Drive Conference.
and our social worker went on maternity leave.
and our niece came to live with us during the summer.

and…and… Continue Reading…

If you’ve ever wanted to know how well you really know your spouse, and want to be intentional about strengthening your marriage, taking a couple’s assessment like the one Prepare/Enrich offers is definitely one of many thorough ways of doing it.

As part of the beginning of our adoption process, Kim and I had to answer 276 questions each dealing with all sorts of things ranging from the adoption, to habits, to our family’s past. Generally these types of tests are encouraged to be taken as a part of the premarital counseling process. As in – before you’re married, not 15 years in… This way, you have a good idea of things you may not have thought to talk about prior to making the commitment “for better or for worse.” It brings to light some issues you will probably have to work at harder than others, as well as some strengths on which to build.

Had we taken this test 15 years ago, there would have been red flags everywhere and as a couple we probably would have been extremely discouraged. Back then we really didn’t need a whole lot of convincing to know we had a long road ahead of us, however we were both certain we would always fight for “us” no matter what.

Continue Reading…