Ben Sayin'

This has been draft, for a very long time. Almost a year. And every time I want to add to it, it’s to recount what has happened in the last year, with the intention share it with everybody who has followed. A million times I have tried to add to this draft since the last blog post.

The process starts with me grabbing my favorite non-lyrical music so I’m not distracted. Placing my coffee to the side, sitting somewhere away from everything and everyone. Maybe it’s late at night, maybe not. Maybe it’s an hour before a soccer game while one of my kids is warming up. Or maybe it’s like today, when I have several hours before a work lunch while out of town.

So I sit, and write. Or type. But not really because I’m stuck. Or, stubborn is probably more accurate.

Too stubborn to allow myself to feel the emotions throughout the process.
Too stubborn to continue to translate this 50 page document, out of fear of the horrors I will encounter.
Too stubborn let myself grieve from the perception this boy we are pursuing just had his mother admit to no longer loving her son.
Too stubborn to realize and accept there are situations in this world when it comes to orphans, it is incomprehensible.

But.

This is the reality. And it sucks. Continue Reading…

I know.
Whatever’s on your mind, whoever’s just stumbled upon this collection of published thoughts and realized the 4 month gap between this and the last post, and even longer for anything adoption related.
I know.

There’s something quite unsettling about publishing anything these days. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but I do know fear has taken a hold and it is completely unwelcome. So I’ll hit publish now, and think about it later.

Our adoption process is slow. It’s been slow, and long, and unnerving at times but Kim and I hold on to the thought of not worrying about our timeline, but praying to understand His timing. It feels like we’ve gone to the doctor but we got there right when they went to lunch. So we wait, because today was the day we needed to refill our prescriptions. Nothing more, but something crucial. Or maybe I’ll relate it more to waiting at the DMV

…nah, the DMV is much worse. Continue Reading…

It was lunch time, and I sat there with a good friend of mine in Cinco ready to order some chips and queso. Kim was with her friends but they had just all left to go back to work.

I know – I get to work with my wife, and she gets to work with her bff’s. We’re living the dream.

I digress.

As Kim’s leaving, she’s probably about 10 seconds out the door when I receive an email, notifying me of one of the largest contributions I have ever seen in my life. Continue Reading…

I’ve been working on this post for the past few weeks – written, re-written, deleted, stopped, started, all of the above. For some reason I’ve felt like it had to be up-beat and positive. But for me, it just has to be honest. I am so excited to let you all know we have finally finished our home study and have a signed, sealed and delivered OFFICIAL home study. I might frame the cover letter just because it is REALLY good. We worked hard for it and I’m so glad it’s done.

Now we are on to putting together the dossier. Continue Reading…