it’s been a minute

Ben —  November 15, 2017 — Leave a comment

This has been draft, for a very long time. Almost a year. And every time I want to add to it, it’s to recount what has happened in the last year, with the intention share it with everybody who has followed. A million times I have tried to add to this draft since the last blog post.

The process starts with me grabbing my favorite non-lyrical music so I’m not distracted. Placing my coffee to the side, sitting somewhere away from everything and everyone. Maybe it’s late at night, maybe not. Maybe it’s an hour before a soccer game while one of my kids is warming up. Or maybe it’s like today, when I have several hours before a work lunch while out of town.

So I sit, and write. Or type. But not really because I’m stuck. Or, stubborn is probably more accurate.

Too stubborn to allow myself to feel the emotions throughout the process.
Too stubborn to continue to translate this 50 page document, out of fear of the horrors I will encounter.
Too stubborn let myself grieve from the perception this boy we are pursuing just had his mother admit to no longer loving her son.
Too stubborn to realize and accept there are situations in this world when it comes to orphans, it is incomprehensible.

But.

This is the reality. And it sucks.

A year ago from this post we had been waiting to be matched with a boy in Costa Rica. We knew this was going to be a long process, we had no unrealistic expectations along the way, so we were prepared to wait.

Fast forward to this past February, when we decide to check our adoption agencies “waiting children” list, and we come across twin boys. These boys fit the age range in our profile, and seem like a promising match x2. March rolls around and we find ourselves in Phoenix, AZ to celebrate the life of my grandmother. I think this was her parting gift to Kim and I because we were able to have a chance to have face to face conversations about our situation with these twin boys. After much prayer and conversation, we decided to continue waiting for a match of a single boy as opposed to a sibling group. The decision did not come quick, and yes saying no is something all potential adoptive couples will need to consider, especially if you already have biological children, and yes it also sucks. Before we even got to email our adoption agency to let them know, there was an email from them letting us know another family submitted their letter of intent to adopt, which locked their file from any other family, including ours.

So in the end, this situation worked itself out.

Fast forward a couple of months to June 6th. We receive an email with the subject: “New children to advocate for!”

In this email there was some information about a boy, but again from Colombia who seemed like he could be a match for our family. So we set up a call, and through our conversation we found out in between the time we inquired and our phone call, another boy came through the system and became available to be adopted. The reality of how this happens, comes from a place of extremely unfortunate circumstances, not unlike most situations.

So we learned about another boy, younger than our youngest Jack, and without hesitation we just knew we needed to pursue him. We talked it over with our kids, with our family, and shortly after prayerfully considering what to do next, we submitted our letter of intent to adopt. Once our letter was accepted, we were able to request more information, pictures, and videos.

One document we received, was necessary in the process because it officially stated this specific boy is now available for adoption. We received this shortly before Madi and I headed out to Uganda, so I decided to use the 18’ish hours of travel trying to translate the PDF. Including learning on the fly how to type out letters like í and ñ. Not knowing exactly what made this document so special, I went about the process of translating it until about hour 4 of our first 8 hour flight to Amsterdam, and then my entire world was flipped upside down as I became a complete wreck (roughly) translating the following interaction between the official and the mother:

Question: Do you feel love for the child?
Answer: No
Question: Would you be willing to initiate an orientation process to grant the Consent for the adoption, that is, the free and voluntary manifestation on your part, that the child could be adopted by another family, since you do not want to assume it?
Answer: Yes Ma’am
Question: Would you like to add something more to this statement?
Answer: No, that is all.

Now I don’t know what the exact circumstances are, but I do know this mother felt it necessary to do more than just drop her son off with no explanation or effort in making sure he has a better life. This is but one example of tragedy faced when another child becomes available for adoption, and I am sharing it here because you have to know the circumstances orphan children face. It’s out of their control, and it’s completely within ours to provide a place in which hopefully this will never even be questioned.

Kim and I are now faced with a little more waiting, but this time it’s to be ‘officially’ matched with a boy we are already pursuing, and here’s what we’ve learned so far:

  • Switching countries isn’t cheap, but luckily we’re able to take advantage of 1 free switch through our organization
  • This didn’t cover updating our home study, psych review, fingerprints, medical reports, notarization AND all of these had to have an Apostille
  • Kiersten turned 17 in June, which technically means we needed to have all of the above done for her as well (unlike before)
  • We might be heading to Colombia early on in 2018, to pick up our new son and Kiersten, Madison, and Jackson’s new brother.
  • We will soon be a family of 6, but will shortly go back to a household of 5 once Kiersten heads off to college.
  • I’m getting emotional a lot easier these days.

Even though we haven’t had any updates here, we are still very much in the process, and as the last bullet point says we are expected to be traveling sometime in February if all goes as planned and nothing unexpected comes up. We kind of know the time frame now, and although we can’t necessarily purchase our plane tickets we can certainly plan and budget for it.

Speaking of budget, we’ve realize the change in country now means we need $9,365 before we travel which includes the increase of changing countries, and about 3 months to raise it. Although we realize this is not impossible, it’s also not going to be easy especially with Christmas around the corner. However, if you’re reading this then you’re already invested, and we ask you share the link below to those who might be interested in helping the Nunes quest for six:

https://purecharity.com/nunesadoption

This next season in our lives as a family is going to take us on an emotional rollercoaster I imagine, but thankfully we have a circle of family and friends who stick by us and love us through everything.

Literally. Everything.

Thank you family and friends. We love you.

the waiting room

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